With Father’s Day approaching this Sunday, I’ve been thinking about my own father and about my role as a father to my three children. What do I hope to teach them? And what do I want them to remember about me when they’re older?
I hope they’ll remember that I made them feel loved, supported, guided, encouraged and inspired. I hope they’ll also learn that how you make others feel is what people will remember most about you. Maya Angelou said it very eloquently: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
I’ve learned that this applies to both personal and professional relationships. In both cases, you can have a profound impact on the people around you just by how you make them feel.
I was reminded of this when a news reporter on TV mentioned he had been present at many presidential inaugurations, yet he wasn’t able to recall a single quote. The reporter said he had to think all the way back to John F. Kennedy's inauguration — ironically an inauguration where he was not even present — to remember an inaugural quote. You know the quote, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country,” and you likely know exactly how it makes you feel to hear it. Inspired, proud, even jingoistic.
It's not that our words and actions do not matter; we all know that both our words and actions can have a profound effect on people and their opinions of us. But, really, it is the resulting feeling people have from those words and actions that they truly remember. And that speaks to being genuine and backing up our words and actions in a manner that makes people feel good about a situation.
This idea transcends all aspects of our lives, far beyond just our personal relationships. It impacts our professional lives. Do your referral partners realize how grateful you are for them? If so, they’ll feel good about being your referral partner. Do your borrowers feel safe, secure and confident while going through the complex process of obtaining home financing? If so, they’ll feel good about referring you to their friends and family as a mortgage originator. Part of gaining both borrowers’ and referral partners’ trust is being accurate when setting expectations. When employees feel valued in their organizations, they reject recruiters' solicitations and they become loyal and integral elements of their company's culture.
Tomorrow, as you plan your schedule, as you measure ROI on your marketing campaigns, as you review pending closing dates for loans and communicate those, as you navigate through whatever problems arise during the day, stop for a moment and consider that six months from now each person you interact with may remember nothing you said and little of what you did, but they'll all remember how they felt about their interactions with you and what you did. Make them feel important, safe, secure, valued, appreciated, wanted — whatever you want them to remember six months or six years from now. If you can do that, success will follow.
My 84-year-old grandfather recently fell ill, and I immediately traveled to spend time with him. The stroke he had caused him an inability to communicate verbally in the way he always has in the past. We had to rely largely on body language to understand each other. I know being there made him feel comforted. This Sunday, I will do my very best to remember the words of Maya Angelou while spending time with my father and my three children. I know they'll remember how they felt having me as a son and father far after they forget anything I said, irrespective of how clever or wise I felt it was at the time. This Father's Day, take a moment to reflect on the effect you have on those around you and find success every day of the year.
Daniel Jacobs is managing director, retail branching division for
