An empty nest isn't in the cards for Darcie Bell. She had a full house even before her 24-year-old son, Brendan Neill, moved back home. But now she has a built-in babysitter for her two youngest children, who are seven and four.
"People say I'm very chill and I've got a lot of patience as a parent, but in reality, I'm just exhausted," said the mother of three who lives in San Francisco. "It's nice to have all hands on deck."
As housing costs soar in the Bay Area, more millennials are living with mom and dad. In the San Francisco and San Jose metro areas, more than a fifth of young adults between the ages of 23 and 37 lived with their parents in 2017, according to a Zillow analysis of U.S. Census data, increasing 65% in San Francisco and 56% in San Jose since 2005. The growth is striking, Zillow noted, because young adults are living at home even as the economy booms and unemployment rates are low.
"Millennials are facing a double whammy," said Matt Regan, a housing and public policy expert for the Bay Area Council. "They are behind a couple of eight balls. They are living through one of the biggest housing crises in history while saddled with the biggest student loans in history. They are often at the bottom of the income ladder and they are getting forced out of the region or moving back to their old rooms at home."
Many families are setting new ground rules for parents and children living together as adults. Chores are an issue and so is rent. Parents and adult children also have to come to terms with who buys groceries, who cleans up and whether overnight guests are allowed.
"The reality is that having Brendan move out isn't practical any time soon, so, he can stay as long as he needs to save up," said Bell, as her little ones made a ruckus in the background, "and pay off his student loans."
Having an adult child come home is a huge transition for everyone.
Mimi Blake says setting expectations is the key to a multi-generational household, but a sense of humor is also crucial. She and her daughter Adenike agreed on the rules before the pregnant 22-year-old moved home a few months ago after living in Ohio for a while.
"There's no way she could make it on her own around here; it would be a real struggle," said Blake, 41, who lives in Hayward. "It's very sad to me."
Adenike, a manager at Famous Dave's, pays rent and cleans up after herself. She does her own laundry and sets her own hours. Mother and daughter get along famously most of the time. And Blake can't wait to meet her grandchild.
"I am ecstatic. We are very close," said Blake. "I was a teen mom, a kid raising a kid, so we kind of grew up together."
But then there was the little matter of overnight guests and thin walls.
Adenike's little sister, Ajae, 16, is also tickled to help out with the baby. But that doesn't mean the sisters have no sibling rivalry.
"They both lock their doors because they fuss over random stuff like 'That's my sock!,' 'No, it's mine,'" said Blake, but she adds that they also bond over singing to old-school hip hop. "We are a good unit. I love us."
Some millennials who return home have high hopes about building up a nest egg.
"Living at home may allow young adults to save enough money for a down payment, security deposit or some other big expense," said Sarah Mikhitarian, a senior economist at Zillow. "This is especially true in pricey markets like San Francisco and San Jose."
Neill moved home about a year ago after quitting Cal Poly. He's been trying to land a job in web design but that hasn't panned out. Now he is working at Target but not making much headway on savings. He was nervous about returning to the fold but had no choice with the average rent for a one-bedroom apartment in San Francisco at $2,470, according to Apartment List.
"My biggest doubt was falling into a loop of disappointment and reaching a hostile relationship with my parents," he said. "My favorite part is not bumming it on a couch somewhere with eight other roommates. Some of my friends are living in Oakland with black mold and they are still broke. At least I get to live with people I like."
Neill lives in a basement apartment with his own fridge but the family also shares many meals. He doesn't pay rent yet but he does babysit, take out the trash and tend to the cats in the backyard.
"Rent is unreal," he said. "I couldn't even dream of living here on my own."
"It's crazy where the housing market is right now," agrees Regan. "It's pretty hostile to young people. They have to struggle just to scrape by."
Bell still pays his cellphone bill and all the utilities. She also chides him about blowing money on frivolous stuff like anime figurines.
"He's been floundering, trying to figure things out, but we all went through that, right?" said the 43-year-old. "It's terrifying how hard it is to make it right now. When we were young and artsy and working bad retail jobs, you could still pay the rent. Now, that's impossible."
Across the nation, there are more than 14 million young adults living in their childhood home, Zillow reports. The higher the housing costs in an area, particularly rent, the more millennials tend to live at home, the company said.
Kelly Pierre moved back home with her parents in Oakland three years ago, fleeing an abusive relationship in Idaho. The 25-year-old goes to college, works part time at Starbucks and then comes home to take care of her three-year-old, Claire.
"I was really happy I got out of that situation," said Pierre, "but the longer I'm here the more frustrated my parents get at me. Money is an increasing issue."
She pays about $340 a month in rent and she buys groceries. Her parents pay the rest of the bills, and they watch Claire while Pierre works and attends classes. They also help her out with chores.
"I do my own laundry but sometimes I forget to put it in the dryer or leave it in the dryer before work," said Pierre, who wants to become a teacher, "so they help me with that."
The ultimate goal for most of these millennials is being able to make it own their own one day. But many, like Neill and Pierre, can't seem to put anything away.
"I'm extremely anxious about it," said Pierre. "A lot of housing listings say you have to make three times the rent. Even when I'm a teacher, I don't know if I'll make enough."
