It was true in all segments of the business, but no more so than in real estate. During the boom years of the mid-2000s, mortgage originators seemed to have all of the customers they wanted just come in the door. Marketing, creating personal relationships and the basic legwork one did in building a business disappeared under that pile of new loan applications.
Now in the bust era, according to one consultant and author, personal connection, likeability and trustworthiness are not only back, they are the new litmus test for doing business. Andrew Sobel said these qualities are created not by knowing the right answers, but by knowing the right questions to ask potential customers and partners, as well as your own staff.
“In this post-Madoff era of unpredictability and suspicion, people are looking for deeper, more intimate and more engaged relationships—the kind that reduce risk.
“This is true of customers but also vendors, employees, and other business partners. The days of getting in, making money and moving on to the next guy are over. When times are tough and the future is uncertain, people want to put down roots and partner with people they truly like and trust,” he said.
In today’s markets, the most valuable commodity is the ability to connect with others and rapidly build trust. And that begins by asking the right questions. Sobel continued saying that telling people what they want creates resistance, but asking questions and letting formulate their own answer
He is the co-author of “Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business and Influence Others.” He gives nine ways questions can transform professional and personal relationships:
• Questions turn one-dimensional, arm’s-length business relationships into personal relationships that endure for years. “Your expertise and competence get you in the door, but it’s the personal connection that then builds deep loyalty.”
• Questions make the conversation about the other person—not about the sales person. One of Sobel’s power questions is, “What do you think?” Another is, “Can you tell me more?”
Sobel continued, “When you make the conversation all about you, others may think you are clever, but you will not build their trust. You will not learn about them. You will squander the opportunity to build the foundations for a rich, long-term relationship.”
• Questions cut through the “blah, blah, blah” and create more authentic conversations. To focus on the true kernel of the issue, simply ask: What is your question?
“This is a tough-love question,” admits Sobel. “People will resist it—often strenuously. But you must ask it. It forces them to take the first step toward clarifying what the issue is and what advice they really need from you. You’ll reduce the amount of posturing people do and will move faster toward an authentic conversation.”
• Questions help people clarify their thinking and “get out of the cave.” For example, Sobel suggests asking: “How would you assess our customer service levels today?”
• Questions help you zero in on what matters most to the other person. The next time you’re talking to someone and realize you’ve “lost” her, ask this question: What is the most important thing we should be discussing today? You will instantly connect with what really matters to her—and the conversation that ensues will help her see you as relevant and valuable.
“Even if your agenda doesn’t get met, hers will,” asserts Sobel. “And then she will want to enthusiastically reciprocate. In business it’s critical to be seen as advancing the other person’s agenda of essential priorities and goals. When time is spent together on issues that are truly important to both parties, the relationship deepens and grows.”
• Questions help others tap into their essential passion for their work. One of the highest-impact power questions you can ask is, “Why do you do what you do?” It grabs people by the heart and motivates them.
• Questions inspire people to work at a higher level. The late Steve Jobs was notorious for pushing employees. He asked people constantly, “Is this the best you can do?” It’s a question that infused Apple’s corporate culture from the beginning.
• Questions can save you from making a fool of yourself. Before responding to a request or answering someone’s question to you, it’s often wise to get more information about what the other person really wants. When a potential employer says, “Tell me about yourself,” you can bore them to tears by rambling on and on about your life—or you could respond by asking, “What would you like to know about me?”
When a prospect asks, “Can you tell me about your firm?” the client is usually interested in one particular aspect of your business. Asking a clarifying question can save you huge embarrassment.
• Questions can salvage a disastrous conversation. Sobel’s co-author, Jerry Panas, recalls the time he asked a man named Allan for a million-dollar donation to his alma mater’s college of engineering. Though he knew better, the author failed to gain rapport and explore Allan’s true motivations before jumping in with the big request. When Allan rebuked him for his presumptuousness, Panas realized he had made a serious error. He apologized, left the room, and 20 seconds later knocked on the door and asked the power question, “Do you mind if we start over?”
Panas ultimately discovered that Allan might indeed be interested in making a gift—but to the university’s theater program, not its engineering program!
“Things like this happen all the time in business—and at home,” reflects Sobel. “Interactions get off on the wrong foot, and someone gets angry or offended or just shuts down. But people are forgiving. They want to have a great conversation with you. Asking, 'Do you mind if we start over?’ will disarm the other person and make him smile.”
He added most people don’t know everything about the person sitting across from them and his or needs. “Questions help you understand these things more deeply.
“The right questions unleash a cascade of innermost feelings and vibrant conversations,” he adds. “They help you bypass what’s irrelevant and get straight to what’s truly meaningful. They make people like you, trust you, and want to work with you—and once you’ve achieved that, the battle is already won.”
